Getting more and more worse...

i tried making myself tired, thought will have no millisecond to have a thought for you...
but i still dreamt of you on 14, 15, 16 Nov 2008 ~ 14 and 15 was a bad one, 16 Nov was a gentle one ... how i wish its carry on till the very end ... (sigh, when will all this stop?)
Felt like an electricity flowing non stop, until something hit me very hard to stop the flow?

Tonight will i have another dream of you? i always hope not. But ... i can't control dreams.
Mouth says stop dreaming of you, will it help?
Maybe i need to learn meditation, i want to control what i think, not the think control my mind.

Every night i just doze off or even day time, i don't even know what time i fell asleep. Worst is, there is no signal for sleepy, just knock out... thinking of it quite scary. Seems like getting serious, some people buried themselves with work or with food. i buried myself in game more than before, whack everything in sight to release all anger i had in the day. Felt like drinking and get myself drunk, but i told to myself i will never touch beer haha*
And i know getting drunk is also useless.

i felt so helplessly, despite i always look happy and nothing happened.
But till now, its already almost four years.
People say time will fade everything, but time will also accumulate everything.

So how? Anybody can tell me a way to get out of this situation?