Getting more and more worse...

i tried making myself tired, thought will have no millisecond to have a thought for you...
but i still dreamt of you on 14, 15, 16 Nov 2008 ~ 14 and 15 was a bad one, 16 Nov was a gentle one ... how i wish its carry on till the very end ... (sigh, when will all this stop?)
Felt like an electricity flowing non stop, until something hit me very hard to stop the flow?

Tonight will i have another dream of you? i always hope not. But ... i can't control dreams.
Mouth says stop dreaming of you, will it help?
Maybe i need to learn meditation, i want to control what i think, not the think control my mind.

Every night i just doze off or even day time, i don't even know what time i fell asleep. Worst is, there is no signal for sleepy, just knock out... thinking of it quite scary. Seems like getting serious, some people buried themselves with work or with food. i buried myself in game more than before, whack everything in sight to release all anger i had in the day. Felt like drinking and get myself drunk, but i told to myself i will never touch beer haha*
And i know getting drunk is also useless.

i felt so helplessly, despite i always look happy and nothing happened.
But till now, its already almost four years.
People say time will fade everything, but time will also accumulate everything.

So how? Anybody can tell me a way to get out of this situation?

The dream of ANGER

This time round... you were still in the dream again.
This dream shown clearly of my well-being, my kindness to people, but always end up getting back stab. Actually i don't mind, as long you are getting improvements and progressive ~ it's all worth.

At the very final moment where to be convicted, i finally release the anger within me.
You given me a death penalty, until now i don't even know why.
i felt i am expanding, like the incredible hulk ~ sound hilarious but its' so true that what i remembered.

With my shield and sword, i held my sword with pride and shield with loyalty...
i clashed both item to create a storm, that caused heavy surrounding damages to everywhere~ Within me, i felt so sorry for the innocent. But that moment onwards, i can't be myself before anymore. Just like a grenade, already exploded ~ cannot be back to its origin anymore.
Sound scary?

But i wonder is it always being good, people will take advantage of you?
Maybe i become like him, must be fierce plus full mouth of foul language~ that's what you prefer? Hmm... anyway, felt better after saying all the rubbish haha*

But don't worry i will never explode in real life lol*

Another bad dream @@

Another bad dream, almost get killed by you... in a big dark mansion.
... full of weird things and undead moving around. At a stormy night, cracking doors, shattering windows, i tried all my ways to run from you.

Am i in the world of tomb raider? or in the past i owe you once? I think so.

The most happiest days are during those days, not to mention which days but i know you know.
The worst days are ...

Best given by you, worst also given by you.
i felt like a kid that you had given me a stick of sweet nice looking yummy candy for the moment of happiness. After you had seen my happiness, you just took away the candy and smash it infront of me.

But i never blamed you, since i chose it, my friend.
Fate just bring unknown together to become known.

You are always still my lovely friend ~ Cheers*